We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so let's talk penis.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
