You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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