Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
