all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
