Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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