her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
