Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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