Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
