fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
