i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
