u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
