It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
