I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
