Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
