Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
