I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
