I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
