i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
