I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
