Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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