i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
