Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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