I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
