3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
