From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
