just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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