you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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