I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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