He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
party gras won. party gras always wins.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
