he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
