Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My life is pants optional.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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