Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
BRING THE BAGELS
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
