I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
