There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
