Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
