It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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