Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
