Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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