my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
