I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
