What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
