OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
