There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
