Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
