i would punch a child for taco bell
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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