Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
