So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Ketchup is God's man juice
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
