so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
