Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
