Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
