I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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