My entire life is one complicated drinking game
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
