I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
